Saturday-12th February - The worst Meeting Ever

Feeling so nervous when Saturday was coming, because I didn't want to miss my meeting of extracurricular for the 4th times! I'm afraid that if the meeting was canceled again, it would impect to my juniors and so will seniors. But I had prepared anything a week before, the matter (about "Recount Text") which I made in PowerPoint, exercise papers and also the information about valentine day. Even I've planed to use Multimedia room, so not only be comfortable but also it would gave a new atmosphere in my meeting.

Everything sounds good, until I realized that the Multimedia room had been used by school's committee and another extracurricular. I felt confused, but I didn't give up hope, with Adli (my best friend) I went to the cafeteria to talk to ma'am Valin, we begged her to let us to use her room, but useless, she couldn't because she had another appointment.

5 minutes left before the rang, I still in chaos in finding a place, but a fortune came up to me, the Multimedia room was unused, so I moved with dispatch to use it, but the most unpredictable problem appear, there was no "infocus" in that room, I'm quite shocked since I sure that I saw the infocus 2 days ago. Otherwise I needed it to present my matter. And another is the room was extremely dirty with the rest of food (nuts and bananas) and drinks.

Ok, forgot about it, I would present it by myself (w/o PowerPoint). And the ball rang, Mia (my club mate) announced about the meeting in Multimedia room. 3 minutes, 5 minutes, 10 minutes passed, but I just saw 5 juniors (then 1 excused to leave because she had a course, 2 came very late) and 6 seniors who came to our meeting.

I felt really disappointed, even Sarah (my secretary) always mocking at me with that FUCK situation. I just wanted to give up, bu Hey! What was I thinking about! I'm the leader; I had to take a responsibility at all cost. So I just started the meeting poorly, I even looked stupid when I told the matter, even it sounds relly boring!

Since it was impossible to give them the exercise papers, I turned to the game section; we played "Truth or Dare". So Echa (my club mates) start turning the bottle. And out of the blue, the door was opened and I saw the teacher (whom I hate the most). This Ms. Nur**** (DAMN!) then asked to me "What the hell is this?" "Why you are here?". I was shocked and directly talked to do negotiation with her, I said "Hmm.. Ma'am may I use this room, I promise to clean it",
She replied "Oh NO I can't, I want to lock this room",
Then I said "But ma'am let me lock this room and I would give it to Pak De then"
She responded “Still NO, from now on, I am the one who has the right to hand this key", she continued "Ok, stop let you out and clean this room!"

FFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
:'( :'(

Not only to go out and disperse, but she also ordered us to clean the rest of another club and school's committee in that room!!!
I looked at the face of my club members, I felt so ashamed to my members. All feelings; Angry, Sad, Disappointed, Ashamed, etc, mixed in my mind and heart! I really wanted to cry out loud! She even asked me "are you sick", I hardly said "Nn..no", but in my mind I surely said "Yes, I'm sick of you BITCH!!!

It was not finished yet, after cleaned the room, we tried to continue our game in my friend's class, but still I can't accept it, the game even more boring and unclear. Oh God! Why these all happened to me ;'( !!!

I (do) wanted to SCREAM! and run away from the fact that "I'M THE WORST LOSER LEADER EVER". I'm so sorry for my FUCK guidance :( I just want to do the best as hard as I could, but the fact was in the other hand. I realized that it might be true when you heard that "Man proposes, God disposes", no matter how well you tried but if God says "NO", it is all nonsense and bullshit :( !!!

Even though the meeting lasted an hour, but many sad things happen to me, even I was late to go to my Course. Otherwise I had a Periodic Test that time. Fortunately, it was not yet starting, but still, everything that had happened has made me unfocused in doing my test! I just resigned for everything.

:"( (even I still felt so sad when telling this experience, I just even hope that my club members never read this, because I don't want they know my feeling, I'm the leader who has to be strong in facing anything! Although the fact is I'm weak inside)